Journey Towards Acceptance

This poem was prompted by a conversation
last week, between myself and my daughter.

Journey Towards Acceptance

I would flit past magazine
adverts for disability aids
like a  passer-by might
snub a considered lesser being,
but today I pause.

A stair lift!  –  she shudders.
But the house would
look disabled.

I say nothing,
leave it with her;
she will get back to me –
she does.

I’m sorry;
I really do understand.
But can I help you choose
a colour that doesn’t
smell of incontinence?

 

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42 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ina
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 15:29:16

    Hi Christine
    I must admit I laughed when I read the last line of this wonderful poem, as this is funny and a bit sad at the same time, and it makes it so clear how difficult it can be to be depending on those aids! You handled it beautifully by just waiting for her to get back on the subject 🙂 With your patience you gave your daughter time to get used to the idea.

    I hope they have those lifts in red? 🙂

    Love and a very warm hug
    Ina

    Reply

  2. Christine Moran
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 15:49:24

    Ina,

    You were right to laugh at the last line! We both laughed out loud when she said it! But yes it is also sad at the same time and I am glad that came across, it is exactly what I intended. Nobody wants to finally admit that something like this is going to be necessary in order to make life easier. Stair lifts have, in the past, often been advertised just for the elderly and somehow that involves… LOL:)

    And do you know I think I may just go for a red one!! 🙂

    Love and a warm hug back to you

    Christine xx

    Reply

  3. dfb
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 16:30:20

    Acceptance – this is the hardest thing we all have to face, whatever our situation, and you’ve described in such an honest and humorous way. Says a lot of truths in a few lines – well done.

    Reply

  4. journeyintopoetry
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 16:50:04

    Thank you so much David!

    Acceptance, for me, is something I have to work on every day in all aspects of life.

    I think it is very important to keep humour in our lives; it certainly helps me and it’s so good to have a really good laugh – good for the soul!

    Christine

    Reply

  5. Pete Stott
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 20:37:19

    Dear Chris
    I know from personal experience how helpful and liberating “black” humour can be in times of difficulty – let’s not dwell on why it’s labelled “black” – and you have supplied what is, for me and possibly for others, a wonderful and poignant example of how humans raise their spirits when times are tough.
    Love and best wishes
    Pete Stott

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Jan 27, 2012 @ 21:37:37

      Pete,

      How lovely to hear from you! And your comment here has really moved me.

      I find my sense of humour has really come into its own of late,; in fact I don’t know what I would do without it! It’s a good friend even if the humour is “black”! And having children to share it with is wonderful.

      Those carefree days of innocence and freedom at school eh? *Sigh*. )

      Much love

      Chris xx

      Reply

  6. bardessdmdenton
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 20:51:11

    I so echo dfb’s comment…acceptance…seeing some of who were, especially physically, slipping away…but that isn’t our essence after all…you know that…and just want to make it easier to move your spirit along.

    How wonderful that you gave your daughter some space to understand…in her way. And offered a smile out of something difficult!

    As you already know, I nominated your post ‘Surrended’ for a Soul-Song award (http://bardessdmdenton.wordpress.com/2012/01/26/more-awards-to-acknowledge-and-pass-on/) but just wanted to “announce” it here too. No rules, except to pass it on if you’re so inclined.

    Reply

  7. granbee
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 21:14:36

    Wonderfully brave of you to share some of these difficult decision times about choosing “aides” for a disabled family member. Red sounds great to me! You are a terriffic mother, you know that? Praying for you and your daughter, dear Christine.

    Reply

  8. journeyintopoetry
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 21:43:05

    Thank you so much granbee.

    Your lovely comment is so much appreciated and treasured.

    I can shout “Yahoo” as I go up and down!! 🙂

    Love

    Christine (((HUGS))) too

    xx

    Reply

  9. Poetry & Icecream
    Jan 27, 2012 @ 23:25:02

    You handled this beautifully Christine and laughing at ourselves is truly healing. The first stanza shows how we never understand until we go through it. Human nature I guess. I love the last line 🙂

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Jan 28, 2012 @ 11:27:05

      Thank you so much – this is a lovely comment and you have gleaned from the poem exactly what I intended it to convey; That gives me a good feeling about my writing.

      And I am learning more and more what a tonic laughter is.

      Christine x

      Reply

  10. tikarmavodicka
    Jan 28, 2012 @ 00:35:58

    Hi Christine,

    This poem is so layered. From the poignant reality to the humorous. It reminds me of a line I said once that as long as I laugh all is well. When I stop laughing we have a problem! 🙂 whether “black” humour or not being able to see the funny side I think is so important.
    It is difficult when we have to confront the reality of our situations. I relate on a parallel as my father was terminally all my life. He passed away when I was 25 but it took a long time for me to let go and accept not having a “proper” father and because of his illness (renal failure) I would never have a “proper” father.
    It is great wisdom on your behalf to allow your daughter the time to come to a place of acceptance. I could imagine it is hard for you both to see life changing and yourselves with it in ways you never imagined.
    I agree with other comments red is the way to go! 🙂 I can imagine you going up and down up and down with a big grin on your face and good laugh. 🙂

    Thank you for sharing what is for me at least a very powerful poem!

    With Love
    and
    ((((BIG BIG HUGS)))
    Tikarma
    xoxoox

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Jan 28, 2012 @ 11:36:13

      Tikarma,

      “As long as I laugh all is well” – I think I will stick that on my wall if ok with you!!

      I feel for you and what you must have gone through with your father. Renal conditions are very debilitating and must be so very, very hard to handle; I am informed quite a bit on this as my daughter is a renal psychologist in a large hospital, and, although obviously she does not discuss her cases with me, she does talk about the things such as dialysis and the enormous traumatic effects it has on people’s lives, the lives of the patient and of course their families.

      Yes, red is definitely going to be the one!!

      Love and

      (((GIANT HUGS)))

      Christine xx

      Reply

      • tikarmavodicka
        Jan 29, 2012 @ 01:25:36

        Christine,

        If my little saying works for you by all means you are more than welcome to use it! 🙂
        Thank you too for your understanding ((hug)). It was quite traumatic for me, being born into that situation. We were “old school” in the sense that the technology was new when I was a child so it a very big machine and we had it at home. The machines are smaller now and they very rarely let people do it at home anymore. So it was certainly if nothing else a most unqiue upbringing with that big lumbering thing in the house. 🙂
        It has though given me empathy with others in their circumstances and taught me not to close myself off to compassion. 🙂
        I think red is the perfect choice in colour! 😀
        Love and
        (((GIANT HUGS))) 🙂
        Tikarma
        xoxoox

    • journeyintopoetry
      Jan 28, 2012 @ 12:13:41

      Thank you David!

      Yes – Ouch indeed!

      And you are so right about the scripts! Why do I still bother writing them?! 🙂

      My sense of humour is an essential more than ever now, and laughter is such a tonic isn’t it?

      Lots of love

      Christine

      xxx

      Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Jan 29, 2012 @ 12:16:40

      Thank you Tikarma for your follow up comment.

      Red it is then!! 🙂 🙂

      Love and (((BIG RED HUGS)))

      Christine xx

      Reply

  11. belfastdavid
    Jan 28, 2012 @ 10:52:59

    OUCH!!!

    It is always painful when we come up against our own prejudices.
    Or when we come up against the reality that the script we are living in is not the script we originally wrote!!

    Your sense of humour is a real asset 🙂

    And I am going along with the vote for red!!! 🙂

    Much Love
    David
    xxx

    Reply

  12. Jane Thorne
    Jan 28, 2012 @ 12:52:38

    You show grace and humour in all your posts Christine, but this poem in partcular is very touching…keep on trucking…love and hugs Jane x

    Reply

  13. Betty Hayes Albright
    Jan 29, 2012 @ 06:23:16

    A powerful poem on a hard subject, Christine – and wonderfully written! I love those last lines, and your sense of humor. (And I too would go with the red one! 🙂 )

    Reply

  14. Angela
    Jan 29, 2012 @ 16:41:37

    You write with such a perfect balance, Christine, between all of the emotions, sensitivities and humour that collide in our human situations. I love reading your work. Many blessings to you x

    Reply

  15. jeglatter
    Jan 29, 2012 @ 18:25:48

    Perfect.:) Reading I was in the moment with you. Your blog is just beautiful!
    -Jennifer

    Reply

  16. journeyintopoetry
    Jan 29, 2012 @ 18:42:51

    Thank you so much Jennifer for this lovely comment. It is much appreciated.

    I will be over soon to visit you.

    Christine

    PS I hope this comment doesn’t appear twice; I posted it a while ago but it seems to have disappeared so I tried again!

    Reply

  17. Fergiemoto
    Jan 31, 2012 @ 03:30:51

    Beautifully said in such few words! Very moving. Acceptance can be hard to…well…accept. Many things change, struggles arise, and speaking from experience, sometimes we have no choice but to accept and adapt.

    Reply

    • Christine Moran
      Jan 31, 2012 @ 09:32:06

      Thank you for this meaningful comment. I really appreciate it.

      I used to think acceptance was something I would learn once then be able to access it in an instant whatever the circumstances, I have learned, however, that it is something I need to work on constantly to keep it “alive” if that makes sense.

      Christine

      Reply

  18. Linda Willows
    Jan 31, 2012 @ 10:31:21

    well said and with great humor that has a point! People seem uncomfortable around things not understood or that which they fear, especially the unknown and that “unpredictable” element of life which can caste misfortune, tragedy, illness, many unforeseen turns that alter life….If they see this mysterious shadow in some “form” in the world reflected (in their own minds) back to them, they react.
    ……I would choose a woodsy pine bark color with hanging plants, maybe ivy or seasonal, coming off the arm; a small tuned wind chime or two to announce your arrival; an optional beverage holder with a fresh bottle of water and room for your phone. Pocket, hidden to hold a bit of whatever necessities needed for brief trip and a little bell or whistle to alert “staff” that one is calling for, uh-more water….what do you think?

    Reply

    • Christine Moran
      Jan 31, 2012 @ 10:58:48

      Linda, thank you!!!!

      My day got off to a pretty rubbish start and now I am laughing out loud with tears in my eyes!!!

      That is all I have to say – thank you so much!!

      Love Christine x

      Reply

  19. The Background Story
    Jan 31, 2012 @ 15:48:39

    I’m convinced that no one really grows old … at least not mentally and emotionally. Our bodies can betray us but our hearts are young forever.

    Reply

  20. Christine Moran
    Jan 31, 2012 @ 17:14:40

    That is very true – my heart grows younger everyday! LOL 🙂

    Christine

    Reply

  21. Francina
    Jan 31, 2012 @ 19:05:07

    Hi Christine,

    First of all thank you for stopping by at my site and left your heartfelt comment. 🙂
    Now I have a chance to read your poetry too, thank you!

    Your journey had begun indeed and Acceptance is always the hardest part, but so far as I can see you have a lot of courage and humor, you will be doing just great 🙂
    Hang in there 🙂 I will be back to read more of your poetry, you can count on that!

    Ciao, Francina

    Reply

  22. Thomas Davis
    Feb 01, 2012 @ 01:45:49

    Christine, I have had Charcot Marie Tooth all of my life. It is a form of muscular dystrophy, and although I don’t let it affect me much, your poem made me smile. That is how people react to disabilities–and the best people, like your daughter, think about it for awhile, realize something inside about themselves–not you but themselves, and then come around. It is not easy thinking about stair lifts. I hope I don’t have to think about one anytime soon, but in the end we do what we have to do in life and try to smile through the thick of it even if we don’t feel like smiling at all. What a true poem!

    Reply

    • Christine Moran
      Feb 01, 2012 @ 08:39:35

      Thank you Thomas for your thoughtful comment.

      You mentioned Charcot Marie Tooth in a comment a while ago and I had to look it up. I had never heard of it before; it sounds very debilitating but you seem to have developed a very healthy positive attitude and this helps me to be more determined to keep developing mine in the same way.

      Sometimes when we are going through “stuff”, I think, for me at least, it is very easy to become very self centered and forget that many other people are going, and have gone through all sorts of trying things in life too. That’s one of the benefits I have acquired here on WordPress, hearing how people are coping with their life situations. Writing my poetry (though I am definitely no expert!) is extremely therapeutic and also helps me to remember that life can still be fun whatever I am going through.

      Thank you again Thomas – your comments are always heartfelt and leave me thinking…

      Christine x

      Reply

  23. hollyannegetspoetic
    Feb 02, 2012 @ 01:15:07

    This is bittersweet, no-holds-barred honest in perception and wonderfully astute. I get it and I admire the economy in the telling. There’s a lot of rubbish written about disability and not much as straightforward as this, so I salute you! 🙂

    Reply

  24. AngelaMarie
    Feb 02, 2012 @ 02:51:45

    Dear Christine, I’m so happy to read that it will be RED! ♥ Your writing continues to delight me. I so appreciate your honesty and your humor and your way of weaving words. There is a sadness that is so universal here — but you illuminate it with the wisdom and patience that it takes to ‘wait for one another’ as we reach for acceptance in our own ways… it is so easy for impatience and anger and fear to get in the way and impede our ‘walking together’ through tough times. I think the essence of what comes through in your writing (down to the humor) takes remarkable surrender and love. You’re a beauty. So glad to be connected to you through your writing. Blessings to you and your daughter. Hugs, Angela

    Reply

  25. Christine Moran
    Feb 02, 2012 @ 11:04:05

    Thank you so much AngelaMarie for this beautiful comment!

    You have warmed my heart this morning and I will take your heartfelt words with me through my day.

    Blessings, love and hugs to you

    Christine xxxx

    Reply

  26. triciabertram
    Feb 03, 2012 @ 01:55:54

    The acceptance of our limitations is another of life’s hard lessons. I love the way this poem takes a swipe but also accepts.
    My husband who had a lovely gift for silliness used to say “red ones always go faster” so I vote red too.
    Hugs
    Tricia

    Reply

    • Christine Moran
      Feb 03, 2012 @ 10:55:35

      Acceptance is a huge one for me Tricia, something I have to keep working on every day. And being in touch with you and learning how much you have had to accept, and the ways you cope with such acceptance, is a blessing to be treasured.

      And yes!! Red does seem to “go faster”!! LOL 🙂

      Love and hugs

      Christine x

      Reply

  27. Caddo Veil
    Feb 09, 2012 @ 19:38:04

    I have immeasurable respect and admiration for you, Christine–you are setting a wonderful example to others, by writing about your struggles/challenges. Sending you a bunch of hugs today! God bless you.

    Reply

  28. journeyintopoetry
    Feb 10, 2012 @ 11:37:42

    Thank you so much Caddo.

    This is i lovely heartfelt comment which I will carry through my day.

    When someone suggested that I might like to start writing as therapy for myself I balked at the idea, but obviously not completely, as here I am! It took a while but I am so glad I plucked up the courage to come onto WP!

    Much love

    Christine

    Reply

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