Sobriety – 10 Years On

Ten years on I still hate parties,
hear lucid conversation dissolve
to embarrassing gibberish,
recoil from alcohol drenched
kisses on the cheek and,
ten years on, can still sit in
self-righteous judgement
upon people simply trying
to enjoy themselves.

But alcohol dragged me swiftly
beyond the realms of enjoyment
to a lonely space of despair,
lured me toward dark, desolate,
dangerous places,
stole my dignity, self-worth,
almost robbed me of
family and friends,
and nearly killed me.

Ten years on I wouldn’t
trade my sobriety for anything.

Advertisements

30 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Pete Armetta
    Sep 06, 2012 @ 11:30:30

    So simply and clearly put this is so cool. CONGRATULATIONS!!! (as he pours another vodka shot) haha Just kidding, I’m not a drinker at all, so always appreciate another non-drinker. 🙂

    Reply

  2. hollyannegetspoetic
    Sep 06, 2012 @ 12:53:44

    Christine – you are brave and unflinching. And so is your writing. x

    Reply

  3. triciabertram
    Sep 06, 2012 @ 13:14:27

    My dear Christine,
    A huge cyber hug of congratulations. 10 years is some milestone my friend.
    I too find a big boozy hug uncomfortable, and I’m the most touchy, feely person you could meet. I also find boozy waffling on makes me uncomfortable. I think all this goes back to my childhood when my dad was an alcoholic. I loved my dad dearly, I just hated what the alcohol did to him.
    I’m so pleased you’ve made your 10 years. You’re a very special woman.
    Take care my friend
    Love
    Tricia xoxo

    Reply

  4. renaeclare
    Sep 06, 2012 @ 15:12:06

    Christina, Wow, so amazing, so touching, so heartbreaking, heart wrenching and so brave. I love you my friend.

    Reply

  5. leamuse
    Sep 06, 2012 @ 15:43:41

    Mon ami, you continue to impress me. From the years of seeing its effects on my father to all the clients I worked with, like crawling across broken glass…
    Bisous, Lea

    Reply

  6. granbee
    Sep 06, 2012 @ 20:42:05

    Celebrating your decade of sobriety with you, Christine! Love you, girl! You are so blessed, you know. And we are so blessed that you stopped drinking and are here with us to inspire us and rejoice us in Blogville!

    Reply

  7. Caddo Veil
    Sep 07, 2012 @ 02:01:57

    Bless your dear heart, Christine–and I’m celebrating that 10 year anniversary with you! Life is a lot of things–including choice, change and progress. Sometimes we honestly don’t know when we’re in a mud puddle–but once we know, we can’t “unknow” it. What we do with our awareness separates the winners and losers, I think. God bless you abundantly–and I echo Granbee, I’m SO glad you’re here with us. Much love, sis Caddo

    Reply

  8. Ina
    Sep 07, 2012 @ 06:09:25

    Hi Christine, this is such a good personal poem, one every person with an alcohol addiction should read! You made such a good decision to stop drinking and you have kept it up, you saved your life that way. Of course with some help, but you needed to make the decision, or it would not have worked. With your brave attitude to life, you can beat a lot of mishaps I think! 🙂
    Love and a big {{{{ hug }}}}
    Ina

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 08, 2012 @ 12:34:22

      Thank you Ina!

      You are right! It had to be me who did it. At that point of surrender we are given the power of choice back and then it is up to us what we do with it 🙂

      Love and hugs xx

      Reply

  9. Jane Thorne
    Sep 07, 2012 @ 15:52:01

    A heartfelt poem my potty teapot friend. You have done so very well Christine and shine a beacon of hope to those who share your struggle. Your path brought you and your special poetry to us here in this blogging Global village and we are very grateful. Much love and big hugs xxxx

    Reply

  10. journeyintopoetry
    Sep 08, 2012 @ 12:39:11

    Thank you Jane!

    I love being part of this Global village!!

    Not to make light of it because it is actually true – I would have hidden my vodka in the potty teapot at one time! Or anywhere else for that matter including hedges along the road so I could pretend to simply go for a walk and be able to say “Look I have no alcohol with me” !!

    It’s so awful to be a slave to alcohol but I did its bidding all the time until one day!!!! No more 🙂

    Love and hugs xx

    Reply

  11. bardessdmdenton
    Sep 08, 2012 @ 19:51:02

    I just had a friend die too young–he was an alcoholic, though he died of cancer–certainly the drinking had left his body to weak to fight. His wife, now widow, is one too, and I pray for her to choose better for herself.

    Bravo to you for doing that ten years ago–often, initially, the harder decision is to change, to care and make choices for ourselves that take us out of the familiar which is sometimes a false comfort, a very destructive ‘friend’. Your poem shows the courage it took to choose sobriety, the same courage that now values it and inspires you to value your life.

    I do not drink, never have very much, and so really related to the first stanza, in terms of finding it difficult to be around people that are drinking excessively.

    I am trying not to pass judgment on all those who enabled my friend’s drinking problem; by finding more enjoyment in his company the more he drank. Though he was still physically here, long ago I began grieving for the person he really was, actually much more exciting when soberly intoxicated on life.

    Congratulations, Christine, and blessings to you–as Rose so rightly wrote–for making a hard choice that has you here with us!

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 09, 2012 @ 10:18:34

      Hi Diane,

      Thank you for this very moving and also heart-wrenching comment.

      Alcoholism is a pernicious illness (and I do truly believe it is an illness now that I know much about it through my recovery). There are, of course, people who drink excessively who never become alcoholic and there definitely seems to be a difference. True alcoholism is where you have lost all power of choice in the matter, it has you in its grips physically,emotionally and spiritually. I became what we in Alcoholics Anonymous refer to as “spiritually bankrupt”.

      My drinking “career” as such was triggered (not blamed) by many life experiences that I felt unable to cope with and was all done “secretly” behind closed doors – a very lonely place. But it gave me the confidence I seemed to lack. I never realised it was creeping up on me until it was too late and it took years of struggle, desperate to stop but being unable to.

      Finally, I came to the point of surrender, which is another strange phenomenon. Why some people are able to reach this point and others never make it will always, I think, be a mystery. But I got there, cried for help and began my journey of recovery in AA and the 12 step program, without which, I have to say, I would not have handled my diagnosis of MS anywhere near as healthily as I have. Blessings certainly do appear in strange ways.

      Thank you for your comment, it has brought my gratitude for my 10 years of sobriety swimming furiously to the surface.

      I sincerely hope the wife of your friend arrives at a point of surrender. That can only happen, however, when we have had enough.

      Lots of love to you and hugs too!!

      Christine xx

      Reply

  12. tikarmavodicka
    Sep 10, 2012 @ 00:02:41

    Congratualtions Christine! It’s a milestone to be very proud of, 10 years sober! It takes bravery and strength to face those fears and demons and change your life for better. Thank you for sharing your anniversary and continuing to inspire with your journey.
    Here to 10 more years of happy sober living!!

    (((BIG WARM HUGS)))
    Tikarma
    xoxoox

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 12, 2012 @ 10:45:04

      Thank you so much Tikarma for your lovely comment.

      I am truly grateful for my sobriety and I am convinced that the tools I was given in AA have helped me to deal with my MS diagnosis in a much more healthy way, and God knows how I would have dealt with it had I still been drinking. It actually doesn’t bear thinking about.

      Much love and
      continued healing (((HUGS))) for you

      Christine xx

      Reply

  13. Fergiemoto
    Sep 18, 2012 @ 19:25:44

    Congratulations on your 10 years! So sorry to read you had so many struggles. The poem is very touching and moving, and really expresses the pain. Well done.
    Good to see you posting!

    Reply

  14. Nanda
    Sep 20, 2012 @ 16:10:30

    That’s so amazing… Congrats! 🙂

    Reply

  15. Dennis N. O'Brien
    Oct 09, 2012 @ 01:12:23

    Actually I don’t drink (used to) but I find it interesting at parties watching people’s change in behaviour as more of the cordial flows. I also enjoy the thought that I’m going to feel okay in the morning. Anyway well done to you Christine – will be back. Cheers Dennis

    Reply

  16. journeyintopoetry
    Oct 09, 2012 @ 08:46:32

    Thank you Dennis, for taking time to visit and leave this comment; it is very much
    appreciated.

    I love the feeling the following morning too, when others have head in hands etc,
    saying pointless things like “Never again” 🙂

    Christine

    Reply

  17. ME and the Boss
    Oct 19, 2014 @ 13:37:11

    Congratulations … double digits are so awesome …
    “ME and the Boss & The Big Book”.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Wendy L. Macdonald

My faith is not shallow because I've been rescued from the deep.

Pitching Pennies Poetry

the work of smzang

antryump

"A Blog worth reading "

Veggiewitch

...adventures of a Crafter-Mama!

The Fat Damsel

Poems To Survive In

roughwighting

Life in a flash - a weekly blog on daily living

Some Good Things

Musings of an explorer...

Poet's Corner

Poems, poets, poetry, writing, poetry challenges

Seasonings

Just a little poetry...

Traces of the Soul

Whispering insights of this, that, then and there

esperluetterbox

words and pictures

Gramma Krackers

Words of the Wise Krackers

dVerse

Poets Pub

leaf and twig

where observation and imagination meet nature in poetry

Petals Unfolding

~Authentically Creating My Life According To Me~

%d bloggers like this: