This post is different! I am “Feel(ing) the Fear and Do(ing) It Anyway” (Susan Jeffers). Someone in the blogging world who I now consider a friend and who is a very talented writer, suggested I might like to try interspersing my poetry with an attempt at prose. Well, my usual response to anything new and scary is to push it under that huge metaphoric carpet , and so I tried; it didn’t work. It was stuck, like a little feather that has escaped from a cushion and wont let itself be released from your hand. So here I am giving it a go. I have just been reading a book called “Thaw” by Satya Robyn and it is in the form of a journal, so I thought this may be a gentle way to ease my way into the feel of prose. Don’t panic! I wont bore you with new entries every week, just the occasional one if I feel inclined and brave. If you haven’t got time to read all this post, as I am aware it is rather lengthy, please don’t worry, I wont be offended or take my bat home – or maybe I will, but that’s my problem.
Journal Day 1 – 17th June 2013
I have decided to start writing a journal. We shall see how far I get. I have never been successful for more than about a month.
I thought today would be as good a day as any, mainly because I feel I have something worth writing down, although I guess everything is worth writing down, simply because it is writing, as Ive heard this is very good for us, just to write, I mean, to write anything.
Something happened today and it made me smile. I was getting ready to go to physio for my MS. Why do I call it “my MS”? I suppose it doesn’t belong to anyone else so it must be mine, though I don’t actually want to own it. But if I don’t, then does that imply I’m in denial? I’m not; I was for a while, but now I have decided to “embrace” it. That’s the word that gets bandied around, so I have decided to jump aboard that particular band-wagon and celebrate it all. Well, not actually celebrate but embrace; that’s a good word. Now, where was I? Oh yes, this thing that happened.
I was coming downstairs trying to carry too much. If it’s soft stuff I just throw it from top to bottom and pick it up when I arrive at the last step (this can be a very satisfying feeling by the way, a bit childlike, just throwing for the sake of it, so I suppose you could call it an MS perk, sort of), but this was my phone, so not a good idea to throw. I was carrying far too much and got myself into a bit of a state. I’m always doing this; I never seem to learn. Actually I have just this minute had an idea, a good one too. What I need to do is keep a bag, say a shopping bag or similar, upstairs, and when I need to carry a few things, simply put them all in the bag and hey presto, only one thing to carry, which can be hooked over an arm. What a brilliant idea! Except I would need to remember to take it back up again on a future trip. I think maybe I could do this, with some rigorous training.
Anyway, among all the kerfuffle, I couldn’t see my phone so I decided to ring it from the land line. I went upstairs first, as I thought I must have left it up there by mistake. Standing on the landing I rang my number. And then – I started to ring! No, it’s not a typing error, I actually mean I started to, not it. I actually began ringing! And I lit up too! I honestly couldn’t work it out; it was ridiculous! And it was then I realised the phone was tucked cosily inside my bra and had become so settled and content that I had forgotten all about it! I dont make a habit of storing things inside my bra; it made me smile. I think I may actually be going loopy. I’m glad I discovered all this before the physio appointment was underway…
I do so wish I didn’t have MS, but that’s for another day, although I just want to say that I am quite aware its a pointless wish, but then I can do pointless wishing very well.
I carry on a daily struggle trying to make sense of it. All I know is that as long as I am here I need to make the best of my life because, like it or not, and mostly I do, I am part of this strange and wonderful world and I believe I still have something to give.
The physio was good today, and I am to begin another block of sessions in August to start working on my weak hand and knee. “Use it or lose it”.
I have just delved into my box of angel cards; I’m not really an angel fan but I quite like the daily discipline these give me. Today’s card says “Surrender”…
More soon – maybe.
journeyintopoetry 
Jun 19, 2013 @ 11:32:49
Blessings to the woman who rings & lights up! And yea to prose. It has its place, too. I have a writing idea for you. I’ll FB you! 🙂
Jun 19, 2013 @ 11:41:47
Thank you AngelaMarie!!
Now I’m excited! 🙂 xx
Jun 19, 2013 @ 11:59:42
I enjoyed your journal entry very much! Thank you for sharing. I look forward to reading more. 🙂
Jun 19, 2013 @ 12:31:07
Thanks very much Jackie! Im really pleased you enjoyed it 🙂
Jun 19, 2013 @ 12:06:38
nice read Christine – could read more of this for sure xxx
Jun 19, 2013 @ 12:30:13
Thank you very much Jennifer! 🙂
Jun 19, 2013 @ 12:07:59
Enjoyed your prose. We all seem to carry too much up or downstairs as we don’t want to have to try and go up and downstairs more than once. Only thing is, like you I end up dropping half of it! Can’t say I’ve ever lost my phone down my bra yet though!
Thanks for making me laugh, Denise x
Jun 19, 2013 @ 12:27:32
Thank you very much Denise, for visiting and for this lovely encouraging comment! 🙂
Jun 19, 2013 @ 12:31:34
I enjoyed your prose Christine. It funny what we find in our bras 😉 Keep them coming 🙂
Jun 19, 2013 @ 12:32:43
Thanks very much Norma! It was a very funny experience!! 🙂 xx
Jun 19, 2013 @ 13:20:12
*Big Grin*
I have always found writing a journal to be a useful discipline.
But I have never wanted to share it with anyone!!!!! 🙂
So well done you for putting it out there. 🙂
And if you are interested in mixing poetry and prose you might care to read Robert Hass. He is an American poet. His book ‘The Apple Trees of Olema’ has wonderful examples. Including some poems which are also journal entries!!
As for whether you are going loopy or not – I couldn’t possibly comment! 🙂
Much Love
David
xxx
Jun 19, 2013 @ 14:06:17
Thank you David!
I wasnt sure about this post at first but Im am actually glad I did it :). Variety and all that!
Janette bought me the Robert Hass book last year but I havent as yet introduced myself to it. It seemed too difficult. Maybe now I will 🙂
And the thing you couldnt possibly comment on probably doesnt need it; I think we both know! 🙂
Much Love
Christine
Xxx
Jun 19, 2013 @ 14:30:50
Chris, you made me smile and what a way to start my day. Honestly, you ring and light up always, whether your phone is in your bra or not! 🙂 It’s your beautiful soul and smiling personality that shines and even with MS, you shine. Though some days are harder, you are an inspiration, my friend. I love this new journal and I hope you continue! HBL ♥ xoxo
Jun 19, 2013 @ 17:17:19
Thank you very much Lauren!
It was one of those things where I just hovered over “publish” and then just went for it! What have we got to lose?! ! It was something different from poetry so I thought I would just give it a go. I enjoyed it! 🙂
Thank you for the encourageme t as always. ❤ HBL xx
Jun 19, 2013 @ 17:48:06
I agree with AngelaMarie, and Bravo for beginning something new, Christine! And I so love that you can find perks in the MS adventure–tossing things down the stairs sounds both practical and fun!! God bless you BIG–love, Caddo
Jun 19, 2013 @ 17:52:27
Its here! Your comment, I mean! 🙂
Thank you Caddo! You of course were privy to some information on this post already! It felt strange writing prose, but I enjoyed it!
Lots of love xxx
Jun 19, 2013 @ 18:08:43
GOOD! I’m BIG on Enjoyment–let’s get all we can!
Jun 19, 2013 @ 17:49:31
I don’t see my comment, maybe it didn’t post–I’ll check later, and redo it, if not.
Jun 19, 2013 @ 18:18:45
:). 🙂 xx
Jun 19, 2013 @ 18:34:23
Hi Dear Christine:-) Thanks so much for sharing this with us, it’s a fabulous peice. I love your humour, and you write with such warmth and detail it’s like I’m there. Just LOVE that you light up, brilliant! I know where I’ll be carrying my phone now, when I don’t have a pocket or hands free and, just for fun, I’ll be waiting for someone to call me:-) I’m looking forward to reading more of these. Blessings on the journalling…Love and hugs, Harula xxxxx
Jun 19, 2013 @ 19:05:43
Hi Harula!
Thank you so much for your lovely warm words of encouragement. I was very nervous about posting this, so far away from my “safe place” of poetry. But now I think about it poetry was a scary place not long ago! Lol
It is good to branch out and feel the fear but do it anyway. 🙂
Love and hugs xxxx
Jun 19, 2013 @ 20:19:02
Great journal entry, it is something completely different but I like it – I like it a lot! Good luck with your physio treatment, I’m sure it will work wonders 🙂 x
Jun 19, 2013 @ 20:29:00
Thanks very much Becky. You are always very encouraging. It is very much appreciated 🙂 xxx
Jun 19, 2013 @ 20:37:49
You’re welcome, it’s my pleasure 😀 x
Jun 20, 2013 @ 10:04:31
Hi Christine, good luck with the new thing 🙂 Good to try different things!
Love and hugs xx
Jun 20, 2013 @ 11:42:08
Hi Ina!
Thanks very much! I hope you are ok??
L &H xx
Jun 21, 2013 @ 06:03:56
Christine, I often worked with groups of clients encouraging them to journal. It was also a part of individual therapy for some. Of course, I practice what I preached… 🙂
Lea
xxxx
Jun 21, 2013 @ 11:17:46
Thank you Lea. I was encouraged years ago to keep a journal. AndI did for a while, but that self discipline seemed to slip away as I became well and consequently “busy”.. But in fact I think journal writing helps to keeps us well. I have only done one day and this is it! Maybe I will try once a week. I wont put them all up here though!!! Lol
Love
Christine xxx
Jun 21, 2013 @ 16:08:38
A very funny story Christine! There’s nothing like being lit up down your bra, and good you found it before your Physiotherapist did!! 😆 The idea of a bag to gather all your bits together is a very good one, but like you said it may require some rigorous training! I tried that for while, I don’t have stairs inside my home (only in the communal hallway) but just to save me going back and forth from the bedroom to the living room countless times, I tried the bag idea, but I’ve given up with that because I can never remember to take it back! I think the solution may be a little stack of bags in the places where we need them, and hopefully they won’t all end up in one room! 😉
I think experimenting with writing prose is a good idea – why not!!? 🙂 You could try using one of your previous poems on here, and copy it as it is, into another document, then straighten the lines out into sentences and paragraphs, and work on that, turn it into something a bit more full bodied – but not too much, as too many words can take away the impact of what you are saying.
I do this occasionally, I turn my poems into short prose stories or even a short story into a poem. It’s great fun, and very effective at teaching you how to manipulate words in many ways. And because you are working with something already written you don’t get that terrible feeling of looking at a blank screen and wondering what the hell to write! 🙂 Once you get used to writing prose with what you’ve already got, you may find it really easy after a while. And best to have a good thesaurus at hand, preferably on the computer, helps to keep the writing varied and fresh. I can’t be without one, my mind is often blank trying to think of an alternative word!
You may like to take a look at Jon Mcgregor’s If Nobody Speaks Of Remarkable Things, it’s really quite wonderful, and packed full of prose, one of my favourite books. And the way it starts is just wonderful. You can read the first chapter here on Amazon. http://www.amazon.co.uk/If-Nobody-Speaks-Remarkable-Things/dp/0747561575/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371828002&sr=1-3&keywords=jon+mcgregor
And also Arundhati Roy’s The God Of Small Things. I originally heard it read on Radio 4 some years ago now, and I was so struck by the words, I had to go out and get myself a copy! It’s a slow ticking story, might not be everyone’s kind of book, a bit like Jon Mcgregor’s book, but both are well worth a read just for the prose. Good reads has a selection of quotes from The God Of Small Things, if you want a glimpse of how it’s written. http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/810135-the-god-of-small-things
I hope this isn’t too overwhelming for you Christine, but thought some of this may be of use to you. 🙂
Jun 21, 2013 @ 16:29:41
Thank you so very much Suzy, for this wonderful comment! And all this terrific information too!
There is a wealth of help here in these links and I will definitely check them all out. I cant thank you enough. 🙂
You made me laugh about the bag thing! Its exactly what my daughter and I were saying about bags being all over the place, then all ending up in one room! Lol
Rhank youbagain 🙂
Xxx
Jun 21, 2013 @ 16:36:56
You are very welcome Christine! It’s good to share information, makes blogging more worthwhile. It’s so much more than just sticking a few poems up, feels like I’ve acquired a bunch of very lovely pen friends too, and the dusting, washing up, phone calls and letters are always waiting to be done these days!!! 🙂
Jun 21, 2013 @ 16:31:44
Gosh! My typing finger/brain just lost the plot! Of course I mean “Thank you again”!! Lol
Jun 21, 2013 @ 16:11:52
Just left you a long comment Christine, it seems to have disappeared completely, may have gone into your spam box, because I left more than one link within it. If you haven’t got it please let me know and I’ll write it again!!! 😀
Jun 21, 2013 @ 16:17:25
Dont panic Suzy! I have it! For some reason I have to moderate it!
Going to moderate it now so it will appear shorly. 🙂 Just needed to let you know, as I know how that feels!! Lol xxx
Jun 21, 2013 @ 16:19:39
Yes, quite a depressing feeling! Thank you Christine!! 😀
Jun 21, 2013 @ 17:00:18
Let them wait I say!! Lol!
Yes I am meeting lots of new friends too, including you. 🙂 It is such a great experience and I feel my adventure with words is expanding all the time! 🙂 xx
Jun 21, 2013 @ 16:57:33
That was a lovely journal entry, Christine, and I look forward to reading more. I don’t want to add negativitiy into what was such a positive entry, but I saw a news item recently where doctors are now suspecting that the reason they are seeing breast cancer in younger women is because they carry their cell phones in their bras. I don’t think once or twice will hurt – these young women were doing it all the time – but, just in case, I wouldn’t want to see anything else happen to you!
The plastic bag idea sounds good – and throwing things down the stairs sounds very therapeutic! My problem would be having to bend over to pick them up!
Keep up your writing – poetry or prose or both. I wish you well.
Jun 21, 2013 @ 17:09:05
Thank you very much Samatwitch!
Wow! Ive never heard of people carrying phones in this way. But it actually doesn’t surprise me that cancer could happen; there seem to be all sorts of concerns out there regarding mobile phones.
You made me laugh with your statement about bending to pick things up! 🙂
Im learning so much as I travel along this writing path and there is great enjoyment too! Thank you so much for your encouragement. 🙂
Jun 22, 2013 @ 07:34:57
I do have a picker-upper but it’s not very good and I find myself automatically bending over to pick things up. It’s not too bad if it’s within the first few weeks of my cortisone shots but when they’ve worn off – like now! – I pay for it. It’s not the bending, it’s the coming back up. 😉
If you’re birthday was recenty, we have even more in common – mine was Monday. 🙂
Jun 22, 2013 @ 08:38:28
Yes getting back up is a problem for me too, for different reasons probably, as mine isn’t so much the pain,, although I often have bad back pain beause my gait is all wrong now with the MS, but I seem to be able to bend without falling but I completely lose balance when getting up. Must be something to do with gravity. How many injections do you have, is it two or three a year?. I ask as I have them in my hand and get confused by the different doctors’ opinions on what is safe.
Yes! My birthday was on Thursday the 20th! Happy birthday to you for last Monday! 🙂
Jun 22, 2013 @ 09:25:18
So far I’ve had two goes, with one shot on the right side, one on the left, three weeks apart, each time. The last set of shots were almost a year ago. They’re not fun as one has to lie very still on a CT bed while they take a CT scan, mark the spot, then the radiologist puts the needle in where he thinks it should be, you get run through the CT scan again. If it’s not in the right spot, he keeps doing that until he does get it in the right spot. So far the most tries has been six and that time he also hit a nerve that has been painful every since (where it wasn’t before). Good thing I had the one on the other side first and it kicked in within a couple of days or I never would have gone back for any more! 🙂
Happy Birthday for Thursday! I’m still celebrating – I believe in Birthday Jubilees. I hope you are too.
Jun 22, 2013 @ 09:45:31
Definitely still celebrating. My youngest daughter told me yesterday she is calling today with goodies for me! So thats to look forward to!
Gosh your injectios sound awful! Mine in the hand are just done while hes doing ultrasound in order to get the correct place. But it always scares me because he says my biggest inflammation is very close to the artery. Not something I want to hear when he has that needle poised! ! Last time he did two, one on my thumb joint and one on my wrist. I think this time it has helped mildly, but the one I had last year made everything worse for a good few months. I need to keep this hand well, as my other one doesnt work at ll mow. The problem of inflammation arose in this hand becuse I overuse it compensating for the useless one.
Let’s just celebrate!! 🙂
Jun 22, 2013 @ 09:51:39
Celebrating birthdays and other good things sounds good to me!
Jun 22, 2013 @ 10:03:11
:). 🙂
Jun 21, 2013 @ 19:15:26
Oh, Christine, my apologies – I have been so delinquent lately in commenting on your posts. I do read them almost as soon as you post, and because I want to absorb them fully I always intend to come back to them – but hours not days later! (Well, I have been awfully forgetful lately – I just realized that I forgot to renew the registration on my car. The only reason I found out was because I was doing some comparison shopping on insurance and took out my registration card. Oops! I did get a reminder in the mail, which I found after the fact in a ‘to-do’ pile I had made that I put in a new place in a rare bout of getting things in order. Thank goodness for being able to do such things online these days!)
The openness and spontaneity of your writing – whatever the form – is something I so admire and enjoy and hope you never lose or think ‘to fix’. It gives you a uniquely poignant and witty voice, and touches deep even as it doesn’t take itself too serious. This first journal entry is just part of your writing journey – and the travelogue is wonderfully heartwarming and entertaining; a beautiful way to make challenges into adventures. Your words ‘rang’ true for so many of us, and ‘lit’ me up with a big smile and needed laugh!
Keep writing – I suggest you try a short story in prose.
Love and hugs in abundance. Hope you had a wonderful birthday! XXXOOO ♥♥♥
Jun 22, 2013 @ 09:04:09
Hi Diane. There is absolutely no need to apologise! And thank you so much for your fabulous comment of encouragement. As I have said before I have never thought of myself as a writer and the only way I can do it is by being me. And this is okay while I write the things I do, because they are all my experiences; well, most of them are. I know I have tried to branch out a little with the odd poem about nature or animals etc but even then I feel way beyond comfortable.
That’s why I think I may struggle with your suggestion of a short story. I cant just think up ideas to write on. I did write a couple of 500 word stories about 10 years ago when I did a 6 month creative writing course with The Open University, but even then, the best one was taken from a personal experience, although I wrote it in the third person.
Anyway, we shall see. I will persevere, even if for now, in journal form just for myself. And Deborah has given me a tip or two to guide me.
Im just pleased that I have changed so much; a few years ago, I wouldn’t dare “put myself out there” for fear of being rubbish! So that in itself is a huge leap forward! 🙂
And don’t worry about forgetting things! Its just good to have someone join my club!!! Lol
My birthday was lovely,thank you
Lots of love and many hugs
Xx❤xX
Jun 23, 2013 @ 03:39:25
Hi Christine,
I greatly enjoyed your journal entry. Having a good read is a good thing to do sometimes. 🙂
Congratulations.
I’m glad you were able to solve the phone mystery. 🙂 MS may bring you challenges but it also stretches the mind to be creative and you do a brilliant job at being creative. I think you still have much to offer the world!
My best wishes for you too that your physio is successful!
I have a cube. It’s one of those soft fabric collapsable boxes. I move between the house and my studio so I’m forever carting things back and forth. I trained myself to use the cube so everything for the studio goes in there for the next time so I don’t waste time going back and forth. It works a treat.
So I think your bag idea would work very well. 🙂
Thankyou for sharing your prose and beautiful thoughts. I look forward to reading more journal entries in the future. 🙂
With lots of love
And (((Big Warm Hugs)))
Tikarma
Xoxoxox
Jun 23, 2013 @ 09:33:17
Thank you very much Tikarma!
Your cube sounds like a great idea! I actually cant believe its taken me so long to think of the bag idea! You would think it would be the first thing to think about to make life easier ! Ut than I seem to be very good at making it difficult for myself!! Lol
I will see how the prose goes. I was very fearful of it so I thought a journal entry would be a way in, to test the water 🙂
Lots of love and
(((BIG WARM HUGS)))
Christine xx
Jun 23, 2013 @ 10:30:49
It took me a few years to realise life would be a little easier with some help. 🙂
It’s too easy to get stuck in our ways sometimes I think. 🙂
Your journal was indeed a good start and I feel you have nothing to fear. I’ve no doubt your prose will be a good adventure for you and a good read for everyone. 🙂
With lots of love
And (((Big Warm Hugs)))
Tikarma
Xoxoxox
Jun 23, 2013 @ 10:38:32
Thank you Tikarma, for all your wonderfully encouraging words. 🙂
Xxx
Jun 24, 2013 @ 10:52:27
Just a quick comment to show I got in OK, via Google. Just delete it once you’ve seen it. Hope all is well with you
Jun 24, 2013 @ 11:05:49
Thanks Peter! I just replied to your email 🙂
Jul 05, 2013 @ 18:11:50
This is fabulous, Christine! Keep doing it!
My journal entries are never this articulate or eloquent! Great job! I also have never experienced having a phone in my bra. That must have been quite startling, but it sure makes for a great story!
Jul 06, 2013 @ 11:06:41
Thanks so much Fergie!
This is a new avenue for me attemptig prose. I am still not comfortable in Its company but Im getting there. At least these days I am not afraid to take the risk and try. The old me would never even have tried giving it a go. So in that regard its a success already! 🙂
Xx
Jul 06, 2013 @ 04:57:45
Christine, please forgive me, I got behind again… 🙂 Fortunately, I am the only one to do such a thing.
This is such an exciting phase of your writing and I can’t wait to see where it goes. The ability to laugh at one’s self is a special gift which you have proven to be a master.
Love, L xxXXxx
Jul 06, 2013 @ 11:10:48
Lea, getting behind is very easy. We need to have lives too or we would drive ourselves crazy just blogging all day long. Itis something I am in danger of doing now my mobility is compromised. I must try to put my IPad down and do other things! Bloging is very adictive for me, but too much isnt healthy.
Im enjoying havig a go at prose; we shall see where it goes, if anywhere! 🙂
Love xxx.
Jul 08, 2013 @ 19:17:02
well dear Chris, if all your journals are like this, I for sure would love to read them..
You have a knack for writing very vividly and with a very pleasant flow. And I had to laugh so hard how you describe that you started too ring and light up when you called yourself on the mobile.. I would have loved to see your face at that moment.
I love it, .so keep on writing prose as well, my friend!
love and hugs xxxxxx
Jul 09, 2013 @ 08:31:50
Thank you so much Francina for this very encouraging comment. As Ive said to others I am still uncomfortable with prose, but I do enjoy having a go. So I will keep interspersing it among the poems if anything inspires me to write. I couldnt really let the mobile incident go by without having a go!!
Love and hugs xx