Change

I sense a closing in the air,

a tying up of loose ends

in readiness to say farewell,

to let go,

and I feel sad.

Summer is now just a smile

that returns to my face

on grey dreary mornings.

Maybe one day I will

accept change without

judgement or fuss,

without attachment

as nature does,

without a need to cling on.

Or maybe I will just

keep spinning the

wheel of suffering and

remain a victim

in my own futile war.

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59 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Through My Eyes
    Sep 03, 2014 @ 11:51:35

    Well expressed Christine as always. You can find some comfort in knowing that spring has sprung here on the other side of the world πŸ™‚ xx

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 04, 2014 @ 10:27:45

      How lovely for you Norma! And thank you for your encouraging comment as always. Of course the intellectual part of me knows we wouldn’t appreciate summer without the harshness of winter but emotionally Im very much affected this year. I understand totally what it’s all about but that knowledge doesnt seem to diffuse the feeling at the moment. I have become more independent of late and such independence is much easier in summer as I can toot around quite happily on my scooter. But when it’s cold, sitting on a scooter isn’t all that pleasant. The blood doesn’t circulate like when you’re walking and I soon get very cold. And I will miss taking my photos of flowers and bees too, which gives me such great pleasure. I will find alternative things to do but will be dependent again which I hate 😊 xx

      Reply

      • Through My Eyes
        Sep 04, 2014 @ 11:37:35

        I understand Christine. We are very lucky here with our winters, they are just beautiful and my favourite time of the year. We are very spoilt and I can’t imagine a harsh winter like the ones you get over there. Stay warm and take care xxx

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 04, 2014 @ 11:47:41

      How lovely! Maybe we should move!! 😊. I will be fine, I have a wonderful supportive family and life is good; I just have my moments of sadness for what MS has taken. But it wont beat me. 😊 xx

      Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 04, 2014 @ 11:55:56

      No, of course you didn’t make me feel sad 😊. It’s actually quite a nice day today. We have had a very poor August, more like October. So I may go in the garden with the camera and see if there are any bees hovering! 😊 xx

      Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 04, 2014 @ 12:03:32

      xxx 😊

      Reply

  2. leamuse
    Sep 03, 2014 @ 12:07:34

    Christine, that is so vulnerable and raw but at the same time beautiful. I do understand about the fading light and summer’s passing. It is the season I cling to. Thank you for your beautiful words. xxx

    Reply

  3. harulawordsthatserve
    Sep 03, 2014 @ 12:09:01

    Oh Christine, this is so powerful yet tender – beautiful:-) Reminds me of a gorgeous short chant I learned, the words to which are, ‘Oh you should see this fleeting world – a drop of dew, a bubble on a string, lightning in a summer cloud – a phantom and a dream.’ I must confess to a love of Autumn, and the restfulness of the light coming and going in rhythm with my own sleeping and waking. Change is indeed a challenge but it’s also the very source of aliveness. Be well dear friend. Hugs, Harula xxx

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 04, 2014 @ 10:32:32

      Thank you Harula for your lovely little chant! Changing seasons never used to concern me at all until I became less independent. Summer gives me so much more than during the winter, but Im sure I will grow accustomed when I stop fighting it! Because winter will come whether I like it or not! πŸ˜„ love xxx

      Reply

  4. Peter Wells aka Countingducks
    Sep 03, 2014 @ 12:45:43

    “Do not go quietly into that dark night
    Rage rage against the dying of the light”

    Said Dylan Thomas, and so the feelings may be true of life or seasons or ourselves. You have a fierce and precious ability to savour what you have now, and share your sense of life with your family, young and older and with those who know you, such as I, and in that fierceness, and the sense of what is precious it encompasses brings with it a sadness also, that “all things must pass,” which I understand. But always, when I think of you, I think of that beacon of light you hold aloft for those around you, and for which I admire you so much, even if, because we are all human, that arm tires on occasion.

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 04, 2014 @ 10:38:05

      Thank you Peter; I love those Dylan Thomas words. You are right, that arm does tire occasionally, as it has just now. The summer allows me so much more freedom to go out and about alone on my scooter etc but its too cold to go far in winter; it’s a totally different experience to walking and not pleasant for very long. But once I have adjusted again, I will be fine. As my daughter reminded me on Facebook, winter means cosy fires 😊

      Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 04, 2014 @ 11:17:51

      I am Peter and I feel blessed to have them. I know quite a few people going through the MS journey alone and it must be quite soul destroying. I have so much love and support and no price tag can be put on that. 😊

      Reply

  5. lscotthoughts
    Sep 03, 2014 @ 13:52:27

    Beautiful and raw, Chris, and I love the concept of accepting change without fuss or judgement as nature does…I, too, wish for that. Lovely writing, as always. β™₯ xoxo

    Reply

  6. tikarmavodicka
    Sep 03, 2014 @ 14:03:46

    Hi Christine,
    It’s wonderful to finally be able to read your poetry once more!

    This is a really impacting poem for me.
    I think it’s inherent in humans to resist change all the while seeking it in wanting to better ourselves.
    There is a comfort in certain familiarities in life. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to want what you perceive as good to remain.
    I used to hate winter, loathe it. I’m still not in love with it. But through the chill I learnt to see where the beauty hides and learnt that cycles mean my warm springs and summers will return. In winter I have hope now and something always to look forward to.
    I feel true detachment denies us some of the richness of being human. That is just my personal belief though. πŸ™‚
    I feel your love for Summer days in this poem. It leaves me with a yearning for them myself as I await the warmth to return after a frosty winter.
    Thankyou.
    It has been a pleasure to sit amongst the blooms of your poetry and pause for thought.

    Tikarma
    XxxX

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 04, 2014 @ 10:47:23

      Hi Tikarma, it’s lovely to see you! I understand totally what you mean about true detachment denying some richness in being human. Actually the change in seasons never concerned me at all as I said to Norma above. I relished and welcomed each one. But my life has changed so dramatically that summer has become very dear to me; it gives me independence that the cold months take away from me. You can only ride comfortably on a mobility scooter for so long in the cold, it does nothing for the circulation! But I will be fine once I stop arguing and fighting with life!

      Love
      Christine
      xxx

      Reply

  7. Ina
    Sep 03, 2014 @ 15:02:50

    Lovely poem, change is coming in nature, and your reflections and questions are worded beautifully πŸ™‚ ❀ xxx

    Reply

  8. Cynthia Jobin
    Sep 03, 2014 @ 15:16:44

    I second Ina…your reflections and questions (melancholy as they may be) are worded beautifully…..closing in the air…..summer a smile that returns to your face……spinning the wheel of suffering….. I hope your process of finding these words for your pain helped just a bit. They’re lovely.

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 04, 2014 @ 11:00:54

      Thank you Cynthia. It always helps to write about the negative parts of life as well as the good. After all that is where my writing began three years ago, when I thought I didn’t have a word to write about anything, good or bad! But it seems it was a necessary process towards detecting a hint of light, which, I have to say, has grown and spread. But as I said above, sumner’s end means less independence for me. It took me about two years to start believing that my life wasn’t over after my diagnosis and I have just kind of found my wings again. Summer gives me so much, I am just going to have to adapt and find other things. But the lack of independence will always bug me big time even though its pointless arguing with it! Seasons’ changes never used to concern me really, but they do now; I hate feeling trapped and that is what winter does to me. Oh enough! Here is a big smile! πŸ˜„

      Reply

  9. Wendy Macdonald
    Sep 03, 2014 @ 21:31:33

    Christine, I need to live more accepting of change too. I love how you spoke of nature as flexible and how you take us to a deep and lovely place of reflection.

    Blessings ~ Wendy ❀

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 04, 2014 @ 11:05:55

      Thank you very much Wendy. I need to allow myself these moments of sad reflection, I think, and eventually I will emerge fresh and ready to take on the changes that are occurring now. Because they are going to happen whether I like them or not! It’s the independence I miss more than anything, having to be in the hands of others’ timetables etc. It’s a bit like being a child all over again. Xx

      Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 04, 2014 @ 17:20:56

      Thank you for your lovely support Wendy, it means a lot to me.xx

      Reply

  10. bardessdmdenton
    Sep 03, 2014 @ 21:50:10

    Perhaps one of the things about being a writer … or an artist … is the ability to foil time’s movement and keep the moment forever. Even the sad … angry … moments. Nature expresses such, too. Perhaps, a tree tries to hold onto the branch that the wind is ripping off. Or the flower wishes it didn’t have to wither and drop its petals. We are of nature and, so, like it, and not just in the idyllic ways. Perhaps, summer appreciates our sadness and regret at its passing. A raw, sad poem, for sure, Christine, but another very lovely one. XO β™₯

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 04, 2014 @ 11:12:11

      Thank you Diane. Perhaps you are right about nature clinging; we have a few roses in particular, that are determined to keep the odd bloom or two into November before they give in. I will just miss my independence that winter will take from me regarding trips out by myself on the scooter, which are not pleasant in the cold weather. The circulation suffers! But I will grow accustomed once again; I simply need to stop arguing with it all! 😊❀️ Xxx love and hugs xxX

      Reply

  11. Jackie
    Sep 04, 2014 @ 19:53:42

    A poignant and beautiful poem. I can’t really add any more to what has already been said. So many here have expressed what I was thinking. So I’ll just add that I understand how you’re feeling. Adapting to change is not always easy especially when it means you have to adapt to being without something you love. Even if it is only for a short time it’s still a loss that we must come to terms with and that can take a little bit of time.
    xx<3big hugs<3xx

    Reply

  12. triciabertram
    Sep 04, 2014 @ 23:55:22

    My dear Christine, I’ve sat with this poem for a couple of days. It touched me so deeply that initially I couldn’t find words. I admire your courage and honesty. It takes courage to tell it like it is, to put your truth out there. And to put it in such beautiful, metaphorical language. Sometimes life is bloody tough and in my opinion you help others, you help me beyond words, when you share your sorrow, pain and frustration. You share you joy, why should you not share your sorrow?

    I don’t believe you are being a victim my dear friend, you are a brave, honest, courageous warrior. A woman who doesn’t hide behind the false smile of stoicism, rather you hold a mirror up to the reality of your life.

    I love you so very much. Thank you for the gift of your words. ❀ xx

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 05, 2014 @ 12:40:54

      Tricia my lovely friend, thank you so much for this beautiful comment. I knew I wouldnt feel the need to explain this one to you; I knew you would ‘get’ it. As you know I have fallen in love with nature more than ever since my diagnosis, but it doesnt mean I dont struggle to accept what is happening to me. Our truth includes sorrows and joys and I need to express both, even if I feel that with some people I may have hit a brick wall. I love you so much; thank you for truly being there ❀️ Xxx

      Reply

  13. elaine patricia
    Sep 05, 2014 @ 10:09:36

    Changing seasons often change moods but it’s all part of the circle of life. Other seasons come round again when it is their time.

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 05, 2014 @ 12:31:54

      Absolutely elaine patricia; I love all the seasons as they each bring their individual characteristics and joys. My conflict with myself arises at the end of summer as winter means dependence on others again which I struggle to accept. But therein lies another subject and acceptance in itself is a process and whatever we are faced with, we all deal with it or arrive at it in different ways.

      Reply

  14. Libby
    Sep 05, 2014 @ 11:19:09

    Beautiful meditative poem of the sadness of the changing season – but each season has its own share of beauty if we can find it.

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 05, 2014 @ 12:43:30

      Thank you Libby. I love all the seasons as and when they arrive, but I struggle with the actual period of change. As you say, the beauty is there in all of it if we can find it.

      Reply

  15. Thomas Davis
    Sep 05, 2014 @ 12:34:05

    Futile war, Christine? You and Ethel, at least in your poetry, seem to be in the same kind of place as summer ends. The challenge of illness and strengths that fade into weakness is anything but easy, but as long as you are writing poetry and thinking and taking photographs of bees and enter the force through the eyes of a five year old grandson, there is still gold and red in the maple trees as the sunshine pigments into glory before the coming of the cold season. Your courage always comes through in your poetry, I think, even when melancholy sings through your words and you are aware of what you are facing on a daily basis.

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 05, 2014 @ 12:59:57

      Tom thank you for this very understanding comment. And please give my love to Ethel. We don’t know each other very well but I am getting to know her through her poetry and pastel drawings, and often read from her book which I purchased recently; she knows I relate to and love her poetry. Your comment is, as always, so thoughtful and I particularly love your reference to ‘the force’; it gave me a smile.

      I watched a programme on TV last night about the changing seasons and in particular how the change from sumner through Autumn to winter brings with it so much vibrant colour, beauty and joy; I am working on absorbing this into the depths of me and I will ‘get there’ 😊.

      Reply

  16. SuzyHazelwood
    Sep 05, 2014 @ 20:17:10

    I think we all have our own futile wars, and how silly some of mine are! πŸ™‚ I love the comparison to summer here Christine, that feeling that something good, something bright and cheerful has passed and is no more than a memory. It’s a relief that we at least come across new good moments just like the seasons keep coming round. But change is something that is not always appealing. It would be great to embrace ‘all’ change, to be unmoved by good or bad, but I can’t imagine myself ever being that accepting. I’m better than I was – so there’s still hope! πŸ™‚

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 06, 2014 @ 12:43:38

      Thank you Suzy. I am actually ok once the seasons are established as I know and appreciate they all have their own forms of beauty, and indeed are a necessary part of life. It is always, for me, that point towards the end of summer when I dont feel quite ready! It’s the long haul towards darker nights, shorter days, that I find difficult to handle, mainly for the reason I have mentioned above, that the colder months mean more dependence on others when I want to go anywhere. I can feel trapped and frustrated which can then turn to anger against MS which I cant change! This is my futile war!! 😊 xx

      Reply

  17. Minuscule Moments
    Sep 07, 2014 @ 07:06:57

    Christine as the frost is melting here I can only say remember the bees will return in a season or two. Love your words and wish you a good day.

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 07, 2014 @ 10:23:10

      Thank you very much Kath for these encouraging words. Today is warm again, and sunny; I can hear some buzzing in the garden so I will be there with my camera hoping for a photo or two. There was a ground frost this morning. But as you say the bees will be back, and hopefully so will I! 😊 x

      Reply

  18. kathryningrid
    Sep 07, 2014 @ 13:36:04

    Marvelous, my sweet. The thought that one could “accept change/without judgement or fuss” is tantalizing, a wish for all people, all times, yet unlikely for most of us in reality. We naturally resist changes, at least those that we see taking us away from things, people, and situations we love, even when experience has long since taught us that some changes bring us great new things, people, and situations of their own. It’s hard to trust and be open to that and to accept or cope with the losses inherent in the transition. You captured it so beautifully here.
    xoxo,
    Kathryn

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 07, 2014 @ 18:46:38

      Thank you Kathryn. Im pleased you “got” the poem; I know it is said when you put a poem you have written,out there it is no longer yours but that of the reader. But when someone really gets it, that makes me feel good 😊 xx

      Reply

  19. Polly
    Sep 08, 2014 @ 09:36:23

    I love this poignant and melancholy look at what is passing and especially like ‘Summer is now just a smile / that returns…’ – beautiful words – just a bit of winter to go before spring bursts forth again πŸ™‚

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 08, 2014 @ 10:14:59

      Thank you Polly. That’s a great way of looking at it, “a bit of winter”. Yes, I like that. 😊. Plus of course I really don’t want to wish the days away as each one is precious. But Im not good at letting go.I do keep trying though! 😊 x

      Reply

  20. Jane Thorne
    Sep 10, 2014 @ 13:19:33

    Hello my lovely friend…what a poignant and beautifully crafted poem. Summer has come back to us this week my lovely and I am sending warmth your way with so much love…you are wrapped in love. ❀ xXx

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 11, 2014 @ 12:43:43

      Thank you Jane and the summer has returned here too! The bees are having their final buzzing before the Autumn but there are lots of tnem in the garden today, and butterflies too! It’s warmer outside than in today. Sending buckets of love and hugs my dear friend ❀️ Xxx

      Reply

      • Jane Thorne
        Sep 11, 2014 @ 14:03:23

        Much love and sunshine back to you my lovely….we’ll have to capture this feeling to share in the months to come…huge hugs to you my lovely friend. XxxX ❀

  21. beckarooney
    Sep 18, 2014 @ 18:48:39

    A really emotive piece, it’s like you stripped back everything while writing this. I like to think of autumn as “a second spring when every leaf is a flower.” Keep summer alive in your heart! πŸ™‚ xx

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 27, 2014 @ 12:15:46

      What a lovely way to look at it Becky, autumn as “a second spring when every leaf is a flower”. I will remember that, thank you! I do, of course, love the colours that Autumn brings but for me the independence I feel to roam free on my scooter becomes a whole lot harder in the winter. But then as I said to Betty, we have scented candles, cosy fires and lovely warming home cooked comfort food. We are very fortunate . xx

      Reply

  22. Betty Hayes Albright
    Sep 26, 2014 @ 18:09:44

    I can totally relate to this feeling, and share in the difficulties you face (though for different reasons). Winter becomes oppressively “tight” as we become more house-bound – and I too will miss going outside to take those flower, bee and other nature photos. Fortunately time goes so fast – spring will be here again before we know! (The light at the end of winter’s tunnel.) Hugs to you!

    Reply

    • journeyintopoetry
      Sep 27, 2014 @ 12:09:38

      Thank you very much Betty. And yes you are right, without wishing time away, spring is always waiting for us just round the corner. There are, of course, the cosy aspects of winter like home cooked comfort food, scented candles and cosy fires. But its the independence and the carefree feeling of spring and summerthat I miss most. Sending love and hugs xx

      Reply

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