I long for what I can no longer be,
strong limbs that move and never question how.
I long for who I can no longer see,
the one who disappeared and left me now
to tread life’s path a very different way;
a stranger in a world that I once knew
where land and sky just seem to fall away
and raging, rolling seas, my soul imbrue.
Until a shaft of light somewhere appears
and lulls the tempest to soft whispered waves
that ripple on the shore, allaying fears
restoring peace and hope my spirit craves.
The sun, the moon, the earth now realigned,
and I am who I thought I’d left behind.


59 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ina
    May 16, 2015 @ 11:38:48

    Oh this is both very sad and lovely too! ❤ xxx


  2. Polly
    May 16, 2015 @ 11:40:08

    You’ll always be you, Christine – as Ina says, this is both sad and lovely x


  3. mishunderstood
    May 16, 2015 @ 12:49:33

    This is beautiful.


  4. Jackie
    May 16, 2015 @ 13:05:25

    This is beautiful, Christine! Your writing keeps getting better and better. 🙂 xx


  5. lscotthoughts
    May 16, 2015 @ 13:56:37

    A mixture of emotions, Chris, and written beautifully. You will always be “You” inside….You are hereby titled the Sonnet Queen. 🙂 ♥ xo


    • journeyintopoetry
      May 16, 2015 @ 14:02:46

      Thanks so much Lauren! I do feel like a very different person sometimes from who I used to be, but I know the true ‘me’ is still there, and sometimes I think sheis a better ‘me’ than before if that makes sense.
      And I graciously accept my new title! Sometimes after I have written a sonnet I just can’t think in anything other than iambic pentameter; its like a drug! 😊❤️ Xx


  6. Léa
    May 16, 2015 @ 15:09:28

    Christine, you are such a treasure! Your powerful words both inspire and give courage and strength, the courage and strength you have in abundance.

    When I find myself lamenting what I have lost, I know it is time to remind myself of all I have found. One of the treasures at this point in my journey is friends like you. 🙂 xxx


  7. Bennison Books
    May 16, 2015 @ 15:18:02

    The Sonnet Queen indeed! 🙂 xx


  8. Cynthia Jobin
    May 16, 2015 @ 15:25:51

    Thank goodness for that shaft of light, returning you to yourself! Maybe you need a de-programmer, like those who try to escape a cult….of course, the cult of the sonnet is not such a bad drug…and here you are, with another good one! Congratulations, Christine!


    • journeyintopoetry
      May 16, 2015 @ 15:36:28

      Thanks Cynthia! Yes I do rather enjoy being addicted to the sonnet. It is very difficult for me to rearrange my brain for awhile after I’ve written one. 😊 It’s like the saying about active alcoholics, ‘one drink is too many and ten arent enough’! 😊


  9. Rob McShane
    May 16, 2015 @ 17:49:29

    Excellent and beautiful Chris! And true! One for the next book! 🙂 (btw – do hope you have cracked the caramelized hazelnut praline by now?!)


  10. elaine patricia
    May 16, 2015 @ 18:11:16

    Beautiful and positive. Wish our members could read this. ( Bury & North Manchester MS Society ).


  11. Laurel's Reflections
    May 16, 2015 @ 18:17:56

    Oh, Christine! I feel so for you. You walk your journey with such honesty and bravery – your acknowledgement of pain, fear, anger, loss and failure are so very human and real, yet you have such beauty, hope, persistence and determination. This is truly beautiful, as are you x


  12. Harry
    May 16, 2015 @ 18:22:47

    Lovely one Chris.


    • journeyintopoetry
      May 16, 2015 @ 18:25:34

      Thank you very mych Harry! Lovely to see you. Sorry I haven’t been to Poets Corner lately; I’ve had a lot going on and can easily get stressed which Im not supposed to do! 😊


  13. Glenda Brown
    May 16, 2015 @ 21:06:39

    Oh Chris, my lovely girl, this is, for want of any better words, beautiful, hard found, and right. You express the inexpressible in such a way that those who do not know your journey may see it a little more clearly. XXX


    • journeyintopoetry
      May 17, 2015 @ 09:27:35

      Thanks so much Glenda! And I know you understand every word totally.

      Im feeling a bit better today and cant work out whether I was just exhausted or have had a taste of the bug that seems to be all over the place. Im even thinking I picked something up at the hospital on the pain thing on Thursday, as felt fine before that! Oh well, hey ho and all that malarkey malarkey malarkey xxx 😊


  14. Minuscule Moments
    May 16, 2015 @ 23:11:29

    Christine this is so beautiful and you are an amazing poet and an inspiration for all of us. We all have our battles to face and you face yours with such a muster of courage and an honesty that shines through your art.


  15. Jennifer's Journal
    May 17, 2015 @ 21:44:44

    Beautiful, honest, and courageous. I love it!


  16. Wendy L. Macdonald
    May 18, 2015 @ 18:25:33

    Christine, your Sonnet strums both the sad and the hopeful strings at once. I hear a longing and a faith for something that transcends these aging and achy bones that cage us. I only have osteoarthritis to deal with, and yet you express well even my own heart.

    Blessings & hugs ~ Wendy ❀


    • journeyintopoetry
      May 19, 2015 @ 17:59:10

      Thank you Wendy. Osteoarthritis is horrible and I feel for you. I think this poem can be universal and that pleases me; I feel uplifted when I know others may benefit in some way from my words, even if it is simply a sense of feeling not alone xx


  17. kathryningrid
    May 18, 2015 @ 19:14:45

    A stunningly beautiful realization of the ebb and flow of the spirits as you travel this unexpected, difficult, yet enlightening path. Your ability to stand outside of yourself in this kind of poem and see the process of struggle, grief, change, and renewal is both an impressive weapon in your own working-through of this experience and a gift to us readers who treasure your incredible insight and the tender artistry with which you express it.

    You are a treasure, my dearest.


  18. Peter Wells aka Countingducks
    May 19, 2015 @ 12:03:23

    Oh this is moving and thought provoking, and what a powerful and last line. How we are forced to meet ourselves in new circumstances and can learn so much from the encounter. You are a true poet and chronicler of emotions


  19. Climbing Downhill
    May 19, 2015 @ 15:33:52

    This is as deep as the ocean.


  20. bardessdmdenton
    May 19, 2015 @ 22:27:43

    Very poignant, Christine, and beautifully written! Of course! In your poetry you go from strength to strength. We leave behind and find what would be lost if we didn’t go on. I love the strength and vulnerability in this poem. XO ❤


    • journeyintopoetry
      May 20, 2015 @ 09:13:31

      Thank you very much Diane. I love what you said in your comment, “and find what would be lost if we didn’t go on”. This could well become a mantra on days when we are feeling very down and it seems everything is too much to handle – “Today I am going to find what would be lost.” ❤️ Xxx


  21. triciabertram
    May 21, 2015 @ 00:53:16

    My dear Christine, I’ve read this sonnet so many times over the last few days. For me it’s a life-raft, one I’ll continue to hold until I can reach the land of ‘me’ once more. I love you and I love your wonderful, life-giving poetry. Hugs. ❤ xxx


    • journeyintopoetry
      May 21, 2015 @ 08:19:47

      Oh Tricia, what a beautiful comment and Im so pleased this poem speaks to you.

      I have had a particularly rough few days with my emotions and refusing to accept anything and fighting with myself. I wrote this a while ago but decided to post it as it speaks exactly of where I have just found myself, drowning yet again in the turbulent sea. So it helped me to air the poem and I must say I have had to read it over and over to try and regain some balance and to search for the shaft of light once more. I found it but it keeps disappearing. So I will keep looking and seeking it out.

      I love you dearly and am sending lots of huge hugs xxx❤️xxx


      • triciabertram
        May 21, 2015 @ 21:50:19

        A shaft of light appeared for me yesterday. It came in the form of my precious friend Toni. She took me to the doctor, bought me the milkshake I’d been craving, massaged cream into my peeling skin, then went out again and got me the new charger thingy I’ve been needing for my iPad. But the most precious of all the gifts she showered me with was her non-judgemental, patient, listening presence that made such a difference. And Christine, because your words were so much in my heart and mind I could see and appreciate the enormity of simple pleasures.

        I’m forever grateful that you are a part of my life. Much love my dear friend. ❤ xxx

    • journeyintopoetry
      May 23, 2015 @ 09:31:32

      Oh Tricia aim so pleased you found the shaft of light and of course that you were able to drink the milkshake you had been craving. And I wholeheartedly agree that the most precious thing is the non judgemental and real active listening of a dear friend. All the things you mention here are what some may regard as small things in life but it is the small things which are actually the biggest. ❤️ love you lots my
      precious friend xxx


  22. Suzy Hazelwood
    May 21, 2015 @ 19:28:06

    You’ve told a tale of many Christine, and so elegantly too!♥ I can fully understand you feeling like this, the what if’s and maybes and used to be’s can stir up some major anxiety. I have moments like that too. But like you’ve described here, a moment comes that seems to lift it all away – for a while, and then the ugly process seems to repeat – until the next shaft of light. And the amazing thing about the calming of the storm, it takes such a tiny amount of mind light to do that. Thank you for sharing your life and feelings on the subconscious seas, it’s good to be reminded we are dealing with similar feelings on many levels. 🙂

    I’ll be passing by again in July, but I’m sure I will bump into you on Facebook a few times in between! 😉


    • journeyintopoetry
      May 23, 2015 @ 09:35:19

      Thank you very much Suzy. It’s good to realise that when the shaft of light does appear, we know it’s possible to find it when we are in dark times because we have seen it,

      Have a good break and yes, Im sure we will meet on Facebook in the meantime!😊 xx


  23. Rob McShane
    May 22, 2015 @ 07:55:49

    Reblogged this on The Wayward Warrior and commented:
    Following my post last week on the physical challenges of living with MS, a friend requested one on the psychological aspects. I have been trying for the last few days to write one and all that keeps coming to mind is Christine’s beautiful sonnet on that very topic. So, here it is! Enjoy…


  24. Rob McShane
    May 22, 2015 @ 07:57:34

    Hi Chris!
    Just to let you know, I have reblogged this with the comment :
    Following my post last week on the physical challenges of living with MS, a friend requested one on the psychological aspects. I have been trying for the last few days to write one and all that keeps coming to mind is Christine’s beautiful sonnet on that very topic. So, here it is! Enjoy…
    Many thanks!


  25. harulawordsthatserve
    May 24, 2015 @ 15:12:45

    You really have become a master of the sonnet form Christine, this is beautiful! And you seem to find the rhythm so effortlessly, with so sense of any rhyme or cadence being forced. And there is such an emotional journey, and deep experience based wisdom in this piece, with that final line being so very, very powerful, because I wasn’t expecting it actually. Congratulations my friend, not only on the poem, but on the journey, both the artistic/creative and the personal, you must have taken in order to be able to write it. With hugs and admiration, Harula xxx PS I notice I have other posts of your to catch up on, so I will be back…


    • journeyintopoetry
      May 24, 2015 @ 15:54:53

      Harula, thank you so very much for this heartfelt comment of support and encouragement. I felt quite tearful while reading it although the tears were good ones.

      No worries about catching up on here at all.

      Love and hugs xxx


  26. Jane Thorne
    May 24, 2015 @ 15:36:32

    My lovely friend, you have mastered the art of the sonnet. This is beautiful. You capture the feeling of a huge life change (and so many rumbling changes from it) so eloquently, it is touching to read, again and again. I love you, always and it is a priceless gift for us to journey together as friends ❤ xXx ❤


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