Entirely Here

Feisty is how I would describe her,
but of late, she has taken to allowing
such closeness, that from time to time
our foreheads touch, ever so gently,
my hair whispering sweet nothings
into the the furrows
of her all-knowing feline face;
wonderful whisker tickling moments.
I could be wary but I’m not;
I trust her and she returns it,
her head bowed as if in prayer.
She smells of fresh pine and
the cool earth after summer rain.
I breathe her in, hold the breath,
breathe her out;
no thoughts of time we can never bring back,
no fretting about tomorrow’s fate,
but a fleeting moment of peace
that life has allowed
in the deeply reassuring company
of a happily purring old friend,
both of us,
entirely here,
now.

What I Thought Was Mine

Today as I walk

toward hope of a clearer truth,

the one that all the books say is the best,

I will still rail against this pernicious disease

and go nowhere gently

because I am who I am.

I shall do mindful moments and meditate,

emerge feeling free –

for a while at least

assured that this is the way

because we all know that

now is all we have.

But beneath all,

I will silently seethe and shout

while I pointlessly crave my old life

as every day that passes it seems

a little more of what I thought was mine

is taken away.

Slip Sliding

 

This morning when I woke up
I could feel it;
it’s been hovering for weeks,
inescapable feeling of losing grip,
oil-coated life slipping
through slithery-dithery hands.
Dependant on so many
for so much,
each doing their
not-good-enough best
because it’s not my way;
simultaneous overspill of gratitude;
Thank you for this, thank you so much for that;
I appreciate all your help, I really do…

 I feel confused,
angry
and sad.
None of this was in the plan,
not mine.
Mine was to fly free,
up high among birds in a limitless sky,
oyster-world opportunities, well-earned.
So whose plan is this,
and why?
Or is it simply nature
being as cruel as it can be kind?

Apology

Apology

Okay, I didn’t really
mean to tell you to
piss off this morning,
but I just became weary
with your “all will be well”
promises and the love
you reckon to pour
over me every day.
I’m sorry, right?
I didn’t mean it;
I just lose my way
sometimes
and feel lost.

This is a Prayer,
by the way,
I hope You’re
listening.

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